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june july


July 27
I got like the best nap in the world last night.  I slept and I woke up rested, and I didn't have any weird scary dreams.  YaY

July 22
Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!!!! Today I had a break through thingy!! I ate 3 meals today!! Kicking anorexia one day at a time.   

July 17th
I learned a rather lot today...talked to herbert about his ex girlfriend....I'm glad I know now. 
I feel like poo.  I think i'm getting sick.  I woke up at about 10. 45 pm and felt like crap, ugg.  I need more sleep but I just slept for like 5 hours so maybe I don't really I don't know......
There is stuff I really want to say but I really can't.  well I could but I don't want to because I should have said it a while ago and I didn't and now I can't due to time.  I'll say it later maybe...when it doesn't have horrible reprocusions

July 14th
I am writing the paper that is due tonight.  I hate it. 
 I have VBS in the morning woo hoo...
anyways I don't know.  Isn't it odd what worries us? the things that make us fear so much and yet we are so unlikly to know the answer ever... arg if I wasn't such an idiot maybe this would be easier. 

July seventh
I don't know what it is about the night but it takes away my mask and that's when I have to break down.  I don't know why I just know it hurts.  I haven't had the best day ever, I hate being this angry...I might write more later...when I know

July 2
Poor little website ignored and all.  You can really tell how my life is going by how much I update this poor website.
I have a lot on my plate at the moment and I droped my nutrition class.  I couldn't handle it at the current time, the teacher was about as consiterarte as a dead cow...That was really mean. 
My grandfathers ashes where buryed it Hillsburo, MS yesterday.  His memorial was on the 25 of June.  The girls went down there for it.  I found out that I now have this huge family I didn't even know about.  ugg.  I slept for 10 hours yesterday, I woke up at 2.15pm and it's almost 2, I have to work at 9 and I have to drive the van to my mom in the morning before I go so I really should sleep but I have no urge to go and take out my contacts or sleep. ugg ugg ugg.  I like turkey, I ate a turkey sandwich and a turkey sub yesterday.  I like turkey.  It's good and I decided that turkey and peperonie would be good together.  Althought food does sound uderly repolsive.  Ok I'm going to bed.  It's nap time.  exercising in the AM.

June 21
Do you ever find yourself seaching for something? But you can't find it because you don't really know what it is?  Your looking so for it so hard and you can't find it because whatever it is is just out of reach.  You had it and now you can't get it...
          Life is a tragic mix
The things you need to say that words don't say.  The things you need to know but once you have heard them you can't not know...
Why is it now so hard for me to find what I need to say.  What I need.  I don't know.
   I stick by what I said before.    
       Life is a tragic mix. 

June 17th
I was awaken this morning at ohhh about 1.30ish so at like 5 I started doing yoga with denise austin and then followed that with her daily work out.  If I keep this up I'm not going to have a grandma butt ever.  lol anyways I have to go shower because now I stink and I'm going to Vedawoo today and have to sit in a car near other people so aside from the fact that I don't like it when I smell I don't want other people to have to smell me so I'm off. 
Take some time to strech today.

June 14th
Ok so Lydia went to the hospital she has a concusion but is really just fine she IMed Herbie for a long time and she's going to see star wars tomorrow.  woo hoo..
You know 10 inches is a lot.  For ceramics we have to make 3 10 inch high(at least) pots I got through one to night I'm going to be busy on Thursday.  but we have this really cool thing called an excruder (sp?) and it makes clay coils so you don't have to do them by hand insuring a equal amount.  it's really cool
Oh and I chopped off all of my hair today.  It went from being to the lower part of my back to dusting my sholders.  Yup it's gone bye bye but Herbert thinks it looks really good and likes it and Lydia likes it.  She was the one that told me to cut it to that length so yup she likes it.  I fliped it out some more with the curling iron and yup it reminds me of the 50's and bewitched.  I like it a lot. 
On a thicker note.  I found a good quote.  "Don't tell me you love me.  I might do something dumb and belive it"  Oh yes this is about how I feel.  Unless you do and then you can but if you don't don't say it.  DUH!!!!!  sorry I'm in one of those moods.  oh well.
this is the smallest font so maybe you will miss it.  I like being kissed.  I like kissing back.

June 10th
Ok so I have made it through the first week of classes, I learned how to make a rose and that's spiffy, and i think i made friends in ceramics WooHoo!!
I have had a very interasting week with my mom...I don't really want to talk about it but I don't think she likes me much. Oh Well
I don't know what to say but my boy likes me.  And he gets conserned about me.  I wish he wouldn't worry about me, I hope he doesn't cause then I'd feel bad.  It's weird having someone who likes you and cares(or acts like it) about you, on a level that's diffrent that like Jesse level.  I don't know I really am afraid he's going to get sick of me though....We'll just have to see.
Oh well such is life,  I can make a rose and that's my next cermaics project. a rose pot because I can

June 2nd and 3rd ish
I haven't slept and so it's not really the 3rd unless your going by a calander but oh well right?
So I did a big no no and I picked up the book to read before I slept no big deal right? well then I couldn't put it down and so I went from being on like page 20 to finishing the book.  Oh well right.  I'll make some coffee and be fine, maybe I'll sleep mid day so that I can be awake tonight.  Lydia's dance recitle (umm i don't know if that's what you call modern dancing preformaces but for now it'll work) My mom wants me to get people to come....I don't know who Sarah, Travis, Herbert?  Maybe?  I don't know all I can do is ask right.
I really want to make my coffee and take a shower (I got out of my bed and pulled on yesterdays clothing) but I can't do any of that because I'm the only one up...for coffee I have beans to grind, the bathroom is right next to my mom's room and she'd wake up and walk in and I'd flip cause it would scare the crap out of me, and I'm already really pushing it by being on here cause this keyboard is so loud.   Oh well right.  I don't know what can you do.  Oh dear someones alarm is going off I think it's mine(strange I have no idea when it's set for I sleep through it).   It's some strange strange station, Oldies meets the Banana Boat maybe...oddness I'm going to go take my meds and pray my mom arises soon. 
She's up I'll be back after I shower
I feel better.  Today is strange I can feel it already, it's one of those days where I feel like my heart got stepped reason just does....Ok that's not true but I've had a lot of these days and by the end my heart feels like it's stepped on so I at the dawn of one of these days I just feel the stepped on part in a sad attempt to lessen the crunch at the end of the day.  Ok as to what these kinda of days are--> these are the day's that I want to feel pretty and be beutiful to someone and know it....And this never works out so I just feel stepped on and so what do I put on on one of these days? Something increatably baggy shirt that does nothing for me.  Oh well. 
Is it strange that I'm pleading with my coffee pot to make me happy coffee??

June 2
Chris was here today.  We painted and then we beat the crap out of each other.  It was good, theriapudic I guess.  my knee is swollen but I made it out better than he did, we both drew blood but it was ok because it was like the old days and I felt alright around him so I guess it was worth it.  Oh yes and I made him a shirt (it has the triforce from Zelda on the front) eventually I'll get a picture of it up, it wasn't anything to hard.
Also today I set a pop tart on fire in the microwave. so the house smells like burnt pop tart. 
I like Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick.  Also I like Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts.   lalala I want to sing I want to belt it out but I don't know, I wish someone was here to hear it.

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